


nothing can be everything to me

by wormwitch (orphan_account)



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: AvPD, Avoidant Personality Disorder, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, It's 3AM, M/M, Nihilism, Other, Slight chatfic, depression episodes, tney make love becayse I[m tem0ed ]
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 09:32:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,226
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16447298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/wormwitch
Summary: Souda doesn't know when it started, but he just wants the end of it already.





	nothing can be everything to me

Souda feels sick to his stomach. He doesn't know why, but he feels so anxious and sick, to the point that he's cried during the most inappropriate times. Jesus, he's 23 now and he still does it. When he was a teenager, her thought that if he made an opening, it would be like a release and all the bad feelings that made his chest hurt would go away. When that didn't work, he became nihilistic for unknown reasons.  
  
  
He just felt deep down in his fucking soul that his life had no meaning, and that he was already at his breaking point.  
  
   
The feeling of giving up is a sick feeling. It's like someone just crawled into your skin and started yelling at you all the things you're insecure about. And you're okay with it. you just listen to what they have to say and you nod your head in a way of understanding  
  
  
  
  
  
Souda doesn't know when or why it started, but he wished it would stop already.  
  
So here he is now, sitting with a group of friends,-Hajime, Chiaki, Peko, Ibuki, Fuyuhiko, Sonia, and Gundham- and Souda can't help but pick at his eyebrow, not really indulging in the conversation. They're all at the mall food court, pretending to enjoy the food when really they're all just sipping at their coffee and enjoying the conversation.   
  
Souda didn't even really know what the bloody hell they were talking about, but it seemed not that important, so he couldn't care less.  
  
Apparently, he should've been paying attention because at that moment, Ibuki laughs and taps his shoulders, asking,"Don't you think so too?" And in that moment, Souda hates his life. he couldn't explain to you why he did, but he just can. He already hated it enough.   
  
Ibuki looks at him expectantly, with that adorable face of hers, and Souda gives in, lying to her face. "Yeah, sure thing!" He says in that fake preppy voice, putting on a smile for her. It was small, but it was a smile nonetheless.   
  
And in that moment, Ibuki frowns, a rare act for the loud and eccentric girl who was normally smiling to the point that her voice sounded like sweet smiles and honey glazed mornings.  
  
Ibuki just picks something up from his plate with her chopsticks, waving it in front of his mouth.   
  
Souda bites back a laugh, looking at her with a face that displays his amusement. "You're  _not_ feeding me, I'm not a baby."

 

Ibuki's frown deepens, and her eyes start to shine. "You need to eat! you haven't eaten a single piece since we got here! Ibuki just wants your safety!"  
  
Souda opened his mouth to argue, but Ibuki just shoves whatever she had on her chopsticks into his mouth.  
  
His eyes go hazy, but he chews anyway, looking down at his lap.  
  
"Ew. This is why I wanted to get a starbucks. Mall food either really good but really expensive or really bad and too expensive." He says, once he's swallowed the-- whatever Ibuki shoved into his mouth.  
  
Ibuki laughs. "Yeah. You can go and get some right now, if you'd like?" And Souda nods, because he realizes that he  _really_ needs that caffeine. He starts getting up, when Gundham and Fuyuhiko get up with him. "Um.. What are you two doing?"  
  
Fuyuhiko just huffs, in the way that he always does. "I like their coffee, it's sweet. I need some sweets right now."  
  
"As for me, the great Gundham Tanaka, I require fuel for the ritual of the blood moon."   
  
"I...Okay then, come along I guess." And with that, he gets up fully and walks over to the starbucks stand.   
  
After waiting in line for 20 minutes, the three finally get their orders and Fuyuhiko pays, because Souda is broke and Gundham forgot his wallet. Also because Fuyuhiko's family is fucking loaded.  
  
While waiting for their coffee, the three of them had an embarrassing, and frankly awkward conversation about tons of different things. Like pears. And relationships. And love. And friends outside of  the group. Apparently Gundham has a pen-pal in Africa, and they're an animal specialist and tour guide.   
  
They also learned that one, Souda is clumsy, and two, he get's foot and ankle cramps. And not because he tells them. First, someone trips him over, and then his ankle starts to cramp up.  
  
Good thing Fuyuhiko was holding the coffees, that would've been a disaster. Gundham grabs his hand, offering to help him up, but Souda winces and hesitates. Gundham looks up to Fuyuhiko, and they stare at each other for a few seconds, before Fuyuhiko sighs, closing his eyes.   
  
"Hold the coffee for me, Gundham?" and Gundham complies, grabbing them from Fuyuhiko's arms.  
  
Fuyuhiko walks up to Souda, leaning down and wrapping an arm around Souda's shoulder's and under his thighs. And Souda... Souda feels woozy from falling, so he doesn't..  _Really_ care but, it's still embarrassing.  
  
So Souda just covers his face with his hands while Fuyuhiko carries him back to his seat at the table with everyone. Apparently, Ibuki was watching everything, because she frowns, patting his knee. "Are you okay?"  
  
Souda holds his head before smiling softly. "Um, yeah. I'm uh, fine." and Ibuki just nods.   
  
"If you need some ice, Ibuki's iced tea is cold, Ibuki can put it on your ankle..?" Souda shakes his head.  
  
"No it's okay, it'll stop hurting in a sec."  
  
Ibuki smiles wide. "Okay! Ibuki's iced tea is always there for you, soda-pop!"  
  
Souda widens his smile to match hers, flashing his teeth a tiny bit.  
  
"Hey, dickwad, here's your coffee." Fuyuhiko says, sliding Souda's coffee down to him. Souda smiles at Fuyuhiko softly. "Thanks. Time to enjoy myself with this sweet, sweet coffee."   
  
Fuyuhiko just snorts, taking a sip of his own coffee. Souda's eyes linger on his face and his hands for a minute longer, before he looks back down to the brown sludge of caffeine.

Gundham sips his coffee, staring at them both. Why were they so awkward? Ibuki, Chiaki, and Sonia were talking to each other in the background, but Souda's ears are still ringing, a buzzing sound making his hearing practically shit.  
  
Here's the funny thing about Souda. He fucking  _hates_ talking to people. Social situations often scare him, and honest to god he's so fucking paranoid about doors  _opening_. Souda  _would_ take meds for it or some shit, but the thing is, Souda's family is poor. There's no way they'd afford even a fucking doctor's appointment. So, in a way, the buzzing in his ears, is actually helping. There's no loud chattering echoing around the mall food court, just that  _buzzing._ And it's easier and more calming to focus on just one thing, so he focuses on the buzzing, pulling himself into a daze of sorts.  
  
The moment he's in a daze, he sees his mother. she's smiling, holding a small giraffe plush, something he played with as a baby and something  _she_ grew attached to. Seeing it after years of trying to avoid in fear of tears falling out like a dam... He forced his eyes open, taking a chug from his coffee.  
  
The buzzing goes away. Not completely, because he can still hear his blood pumping through his veins. And in that moment,  _he wished it would stop._


End file.
